Who doesn’t hope that their students “like” them? I don’t mean in the sense of buddy, buddy, but rather that they enjoy learning from you. Now this is not a requirement, but it makes things more enjoyable for everyone. Now, when a student decides they dislike you, then you must learn to move on. But what if it goes beyond dislike? What if they don’t respect you either?
This is exactly what my problem was starting my first day back. I had a young lady decide that : 1. She did not like me. 2. She therefore would respect none of my decisions. However, I made a decision that day too: I would do all I could to make a connection with this young lady. So it became a battle between us. Every day she was determined to show disrespect, and I in turn was determined to show her every respect that I could. Still in the back of my mind I was waiting for that moment to strike her disrespect down with a single blow. All I needed was one connection.
Everyday I read aloud to the class (currently we are reading War Horse, which is going quite well with the majority of the students). And soon after school started, my students wrote a six paragraph essay (rough draft) about a common teenage problem of their choice. This young lady was very proud of her paper and asked my CT ever day if she could read it aloud to the class. My CT’s response was always the same “If we have time at the end of class, then you can read your paper.” (It’s okay, you can laugh. What teacher has extra time with assessments on the horizon?) Well, after three days of the young lady asking to read but not having enough time to do so, I began to brainstorm…. Finally a solution came to me! What if I let her read her paper aloud, during the time I set aside to read War Horse? Wouldn’t that show her how much I cared about her as a student, despite her obvious distaste for me?
So the next day, before class, I asked my CT if that would be okay with her. She of course was all for me trying to connect with this young lady. So I asked this young lady if she would like to read her paper, instead of me reading War Horse. I wish you could have seen the smile on her face! And let me say that her paper was quite moving and well written (no one wanted to read their paper after her performance, though we did give them the opportunity to do so).
I thought I had found the chink in her armor, and had finished the battle of respect and disrespect once and for all. But that would have been too easy. Her wall was thicker than I had anticipated, but my actions had weakened it.
So I went back to scheming, trying desperately to knock the wall down for good this time.
Then I began my poetry unit (this Monday), and included Ellen Hopkins on my list of important poets. (Guess who loves Ellen Hopkins? Yes me, but think harder….) Yes, my young lady also loves her work. We even had a conversation about our favorite books. Mine was not one she had read or could get her hands on (our library does not carry her books). I told her I would bring my personal copy to school for her to check-out.
The next day I brought the book, ready to give it to her, but my young lady was absent from school. The following day I brought the book back and told her she could check it out from me. She gave me a hug in return for my sharing of my treasure!
Ha! I have broken the wall at last! I thought.
But ten minutes later she was back to her old tricks.
So my question is: How do you show a student that you can, and earn their respect at the same time?
Today will be the first day after I gave her the book, and I am still hoping that maybe, just maybe, I have broken down a larger part of her wall.
Katie,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, a think you're AMAZING simply for trying as hard as you have to connect with this girl! It's truly something you should be commended for. It's crucial for us as teachers to attempt to get to know our students, and maybe, connect with them on some deeper level.
Now, you have already recognized the fact that not every student is going to like you. Unfortunately, not every student will respect you, either.
I don't really have much advice for you; you're doing all that you can already, because well, you're awesome! ; ) The only thing I can say is this: just keep trying. Keep on making a clear effort to show that you genuinely care about this student, and hopefully someday, she will stop pretending that she hates your guts.
How do I know she's just pretending?
1) I know you! You are practically impossible to hate.
2) She hugged you.
3) You share interests.
4) It is impossible for her to deny that despite everything, you like HER.
The next time this girl pulls something disrespectful and dripping with dislike out of her hat, try to remember this: she's only pretending! : )
Dear Katie,
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be the best teacher ever.
Quite sincerely,
Andréa
I think you should explore whether or not she puts on displays like this to her other teachers if you have not already. It is very likely she just has an attitude she likes to put on for her peers, and feels like she would be looked down upon if she did not continue to put on her expected performance. It is important to keep with the soft hand, a firm hand as well that keeps your expectations in place. While your acts of kindness have probably helped her in whether or not the student likes you, it may not be as reinforcing for whether or not she should respect you as an authority figure.
ReplyDeleteIt may be needed, therefore, to talk to her directly about your expectations in the classroom, aside from the other students. Since you have already built some communication connections with her, this should be easier. You might mention that classroom time is for learning and that you really need her to show some respect, not just for your benefit but for the benefit of the other students. This puts the responsibility squarely on her shoulders, and should help convince her that her behavior is not only important to you, but it matters to everyone in the classroom. If she feels important, she may be more likely to make the right decisions in the future.